My Downward Spiral
by swiglo3000
Summary: REWRITE. One night after work Elliot is attacked and her life changes forever.
1. My Bad Day

**A/N: This is a rewrite of a previous story. I wasn't happy with the first two chapters so I decided the best thing to do would be a rewrite. This is based at the end of Season 6; everything's pretty much the same except Kim actually miscarried. So Kim will not be involved in this story at all. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs**

Chapter 1: My Bad Day

"Today sucked" Elliot said to herself, as she left Sacred Heart, at about five. One of her patients had died on her, Dr. Cox had gotten to her, and Keith had to work so she would barely get to spend time with him tonight.

'I'm private practice now, why do I still let Cox get to me' she thought as she started her car. 'It's because you still can't stand up for yourself' a voice in the back of her head told her. She ignored the voice and began driving home.

Things had been so much easier since J.D. had moved out. She felt a little guilty for just putting him out like that, but she and Keith needed the space. At the thought of Keith, Elliot's heart warmed. Soon she was going to be Mrs. Keith Dudemeister, a thought that both excited her and brought her great anxiety.

She really wished that Dr. Cox hadn't said anything to her about Keith. Mainly because she was really worried that he was right. That she was just marrying him because she didn't want to die alone.

It was not that she didn't love Keith, she just wasn't sure if he was the right man for her. But he had proposed and she did feel something for him. She was pretty sure she loved him. Her feelings for Keith were never as strong as the feelings she had felt for J.D. But that ship had sailed and Keith really did love her.

"It may not be perfect, but it's better than nothing" she said to herself, arriving at her, and Keith's, apartment. Keith really was great, he did get her. He understood her and loved her even though she was a little neurotic. Entering the apartment all she wanted to do was get something to eat, and go to sleep. She was so preoccupied she didn't realize that she had forgotten to lock the door.

What she really wanted was to grab a drink, but she wouldn't do that. She knew that if she started drinking after work then she really would be her mother. That scared the hell out of her, she had seen what her mother's life was like, and she never wanted to become like her.

"Is this really what I want?" Elliot asked herself, feeling a little pathetic. She shook her head and started toward the shower, she really needed to get the hospital smell off of her. She was in the shower for about half an hour. She never even heard the front door open, the water drowned out all sound.

After getting out of the shower Elliot took a good look at herself in the mirror. Overall she liked what she saw. Her hair was looking really good; she had considered going back to her short look but had been getting so many compliments she had decided against it. Her face had a few more lines then a few years ago, that was to be expected. She, and most people, would still consider her face very beautiful.

She moved downward to her body. Overall she had kept herself in good health and it showed. In all her years at Sacred Heart she had put on a pound or two but she still looked great. Her breasts were still fairly perky, her stomach still flat. Her lower body had the beginning of some cellulite, but was by no means a turn off.

"At least I still have a great body" She said to herself. Her body had never been her problem. She did have some body image issues but never to the extent of an eating disorder. Her problem had always been that once men found out how crazy she is, they'd leave.

Not Keith, or J.D. they both stayed, sort off. Her relationship with J.D. was very complicated and they both let little things get in the way, she always felt if they could ever get over them, then they could have an actual relationship. But that never happened and then Keith came along. He understood her, at least as much as he could. He stayed, and soon they were going to get married.

"Come on, you know all these feelings for J.D. are just you getting cold feet" Elliot told herself. She wasn't sure if she really believed that. The wedding was in two weeks, it wasn't too late to call it off. She shook her head she had to take this plunge.

"Maybe I should call Carla," she thought, really and truly she just needed someone to talk to tonight. She hoped that it would calm her nerves a little bit.

She wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her bedroom, shocked to see a masked man sitting on her bed.

"Took you long enough," he said in a deep, booming voice. Fear went through Elliot's entire body. This was her worst nightmare coming to life. Her mother had always told her that this could happen and now she was having trouble remembering what to do. Somehow, she found her voice.

"What are you doing here?" she asked trying to sound brave, with her heart beating a mile a minute.

"I've been watching you for a long time Dr. Reid, and tonight you will be mine," the man said slowly inching closer to Elliot.

"Please, I'll give you money, my TV, whatever you want just not this," Elliot pleaded, wrapping the towel tighter around her body.

"I just want you," he said. In what seemed like a flash he pulled the towel away from Elliot's body, leaving her completely naked. She whimpered, having never felt this exposed in her life, not even when she first had sex.

"You look even better than I imagined," he said looking her over. Elliot tried to cover herself with her hands the best she could, but it really wasn't helping. She had never felt this low or scared in her life. She felt tears coming on, and she was getting ready to lose it.

"Please, just go," She begged as she started shaking.

"No," he said quickly grabbing Elliot and throwing her onto the bed. Elliot started to scream but he put his hand over her mouth.

'This can't be happening' Elliot thought to herself as she started to sob outright. She hated his weight on top of her. She started fighting back but it was to no avail, he was simply too strong. Then, without even thinking, she kneed him in the groin. That was her opening she was able to push him off, and she started running out of the room.

'You can make it' she thought to herself. Then just as she was about to get out of the room she felt a hand wrap around her ankle. She fell hitting her head hard on the floor, and dazing her.

"This could have been pleasant for you, but forget about that," her attacker said. He started straddling her and undoing his jeans. Elliot felt ready to throw up, her mother had always told her that this could happen, but she had never truly believed her until now.

'Why me?' she asked herself as she felt him enter her. The next forty five minutes were pure hell for her. She did her best to try and disconnect herself from what was happening, but it wasn't really working. All she could feel was his hot sweaty body touching hers' and it made her feel so dirty. Then as suddenly as the onslaught began, it finished.

"Better than I expected," her attacker said as he climbed off of her.

"D-did you wear a…" Elliot said, unable to finish the sentence.

"Yeah," the attacker said. Elliot inwardly let out a sigh of relief.

'At least my chances of getting pregnant, or getting a STD are lower' she thought, still too afraid to move.

"Don't tell anyone about this, or I will have to come back and kill you, do I make myself clear?" he asked. Elliot nodded not wanting anymore trouble. He simply nodded, stepped over her, and let himself out of the apartment.

As soon as she heard the door close Elliot ran to the front door and locked it. She briefly wondered if any of her neighbors had heard anything. She considered it unlikely she had yelled out louder, in pleasure, during sex with Keith and no one had complained.

"I feel dirty," Elliot said, she quickly went back to the bathroom to take another shower. A million thoughts started going through her head as she scrubbed her body clean.

'What if I do get pregnant?'

'Will Keith still love me?'

'What will people think?'

'What if he comes back?'

'Should I go to the police?' she thought. He had said that if she went to the police he would kill her. Besides what evidence did she have, he had worn a condom, and there were only a few bruises on her body. She was sure that no one would believe her. As a doctor, she had seen a lot of rape victims and knew the best thing to do would be to go to the police or hospital, but it was just too hard.

'It's your fault you know' her mother's voice told her. Elliot tried to come up with some reason why it wasn't her fault, but failed. She shouldn't have left the door unlocked, her wardrobe should be more conservative, and she should have done something, anything to stop him.

Elliot wasn't sure how much time had passed but eventually she felt cold water hitting her body. Turning off the water she got out of the shower and once again looked at her body in the mirror, and did not like what she saw.

Her eyes looked bloodshot and her face looked pale. Her entire body was trembling and did not look like it would stop anytime soon. She hated her reflection, she hated herself, she was ready to hit mirror as hard as she could but stopped.

'There's no way you could explain it to Keith,' a voice in the back of her head told her. Elliot agreed, she shook her head and went to put some clothes on. She couldn't stand being or feeling naked anymore.

She walked into the bedroom and quickly put on a comfy pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. The clothes made her feel better. They made her feel warm, and like she was getting a hug without actually having any human contact. She then started cleaning up the room. She wanted to be sure that no one would ever know what had just happened.

Elliot spent the next couple of hours thinking what to do. She would have to face Keith soon and wasn't sure she could handle it. Then there was the wedding, how could she even consider getting married in two weeks. She was sure she wouldn't be able to handle it. Then she heard the front door open.

Her heart pace quickened and she briefly considered that maybe her attacker had come back. She then calmed herself; it was just Keith she told herself. She didn't realize it was already eleven.

"Elliot, are you up?" Keith whispered not wanting to wake her up if she was asleep.

"Yeah," Elliot said, amazed that she was able to find her voice.

"What are you still doing up?" Keith asked as he started to get undressed. Elliot started to feel nervous but kept on reminding herself that he wouldn't hurt her.

"I was just thinking about the wedding," Elliot said nervously.

"What about it?" Keith asked a little nervous.

"I was just thinking that you're right, the wedding is too soon," Elliot said unable to look Keith in the eye.

"Are you sure? I mean you wanted to get married right away," Keith said, a little worried.

"I'm sure, I mean a fall or winter wedding would be nicer," Elliot said taking a deep breath, hoping he would go for the idea.

"If that's what you really want I can wait," Keith said a little unsure of why Elliot had suddenly changed her mind. But he had learned a long time ago that she could be a little unpredictable, so he just went with it.

"Thanks Keith, I just realized that it was a little silly to move this quick," Elliot said very relieved. Maybe in a couple of months she would be ready. She doubted it but at least this bought her some time.

"We'll have to move some stuff around tomorrow but it shouldn't be that big a deal," Keith said climbing into the bed. Elliot moved away from him just a little bit, too nervous to get too close to him. This did not go unnoticed by Keith.

"Are you alright?" he asked, inching close to her.

"I'm fine, I'm just tired and I just need some space," Elliot snapped.

"Alright, well goodnight," Keith said, a little hurt. Elliot felt a little bad about snapping at him but she just couldn't deal with anyone being close to her tonight.

After about five minutes Keith fell asleep. Elliot then got up to sleep on the couch; she didn't trust herself to not have nightmares. If she had nightmares then Keith would find out and she really did not want that to happen.

Once on the couch Elliot started to sob silently. She did this for about another hour before she finally fell into a restless sleep.

**Please Review**


	2. My Sick Day

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. This chapter took a little longer than I thought.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs**

Chapter 2: My Sick Day

Elliot POV

I've been lying down on this couch for what feels like an eternity. When in reality it's only been about an hour. I hate this I should be sleeping next to my fiancée, not on this couch. Of course if he found out what had happened he wouldn't want to be my fiancée anymore.

I can't even stand the thought of Keith touching me anymore. Before it used to bring excitement, but now all I can think of is HIM touching me. I just feel weak; I can't even be in my own apartment without freaking out over every little noise. Maybe after Keith and I get married we can buy a house, and a new bed.

'Then, maybe, I won't have to live with reminders of what happened every day.' A voice in the back of my head says. I know that won't be true, no matter what I'll remember this forever. I just hope that no one else finds out.

I'm shaking right now even though I have two blankets covering me. I just can't stop shaking, I really want to cry, but I can't. Keith's in the next room and if he finds me out here he's going to wonder why I'm not in bed.

I really hate myself right now, I can't help it. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I wish I had someone to go to, someone who wouldn't hate me, or pity me, after they found out what happened.

My mom would just go on and on about how it's my fault. I really can't deal with that right now, even if everything she says is true. My dad's out too, I'd just disappoint him by telling him what happened.

Anyone who works at the hospital is out. I wouldn't be able to walk into work again knowing that someone in there knew what had happened to me.

A rape counselor might work; going to therapy really helped me a couple of years ago. But then the counselor might pressure me into going to the police and telling other people what happened. I don't think I can handle that. I'll just have to toughen up and go it alone.

My stomach is rumbling right now, I realize that I haven't eaten anything in about thirteen hours. I feel hungry but I don't think my stomach could handle any food right now. I'm really tired too, I've tried to go to sleep but every time I close my eyes all I see is him straddling me and raping me.

I look at the clock and it's about five, I'll have to get up to go to work soon. I really don't want to go to work today; I'll probably call in sick. It's not that far from the truth I feel sick, sick and dirty. I get up off the couch; Keith will expect me to be in bed when he wakes up. I'm not sure how much longer that will be but I'd rather be safe and be in bed, rather than be found on the couch.

I get up and put the blankets away. I sneak back into the bedroom relieved that Keith is still asleep. I hate having to get back into bed with Keith but it's only for a little while, I'm sure I can make it. I hate this feeling of him next to me, I really do. I know it's just Keith but it hurts to be so close to him.

I cheated on him, I know it's true. If I had done something else or something different it wouldn't have happened, it only happened because I wanted it to happen. I'm a whore, a filthy whore. I feel tears coming on I can't help it I don't care if I wake Keith up now, I just need to cry. I run to the bathroom, lock the door, and start to sob.

I look at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. Instead of me all I see is a slut and a whore. Forget about pity if I tell people what happened all they're going to see is a whore or a slut.

'They won't really think that, they'll want to help you' a small voice in the back of my head says.

I really wish I could believe that voice, but that voice is just wrong. They may not hate me, but they won't help me. They'll believe that I deserve what I got and I can't blame them for believing that. I hear a knock on the door.

"Elliot, are you alright?" Keith asks his voice full of concern. He still sounds a little sleepy. Frick, I woke him up.

"Y-yeah, I'm just a little sick, I think I'm going to call-in today," I say, surprised that I'm able to say anything.

"Alright, I'm going to make some breakfast, what do you want?" Keith asks. My heart melted just a little, he really is caring.

"Anything light,"

"Okay, love you," he says walking away. I feel awful when he says that. I don't deserve his love. At least he didn't realize that I had spent most of the night on the couch. I take a quick look at myself in the mirror. I look awful but at least that will convince Keith that I'm sick.

I took a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom. I walk into the kitchen to find Keith pouring me a bowl of cereal.

"Thanks," I say to him. The cereal doesn't look that appetizing but I really need something to eat.

"Could you do me a favor and tell Carla about the postponement?" I ask, knowing he'll say yes.

"Sure thing, so what do you thinks' wrong with you?" he asks me. I feel a little nervous with him looking at me.

"I'm not sure, probably just a twenty-four hour bug," I say. This is when I'm glad I work in a hospital. It makes saying I'm sick so much easier to believe.

"Alright, I'm going to grow and grab a shower then head to work," he says to me. I just nod and eat a little bit. He heads into the bathroom and I sigh in relief. I'm glad I'm going to have the day to myself; I just can't deal with the hospital today. If I went in I'd probably end up accidently killing someone today.

I get out my cell phone and call in. That's what I love about being private practice; I can occasionally take a sick day without anyone, Kelso, getting on my back. My boss takes it well; he'd rather have me not coming in sick.

I hear the shower turn off and I head to bed, I'm exhausted and I really do need some more sleep. As soon as my head hits the pillow I start falling asleep, I hear Keith coming in to say goodbye.

"Love you" he says kissing me on the head.

"Don't forget to lock the door," I mumble out before falling asleep.

My entire sleep was filled with nightmares. I've spent the last four hours trying to get sleep; all in all I ended up getting about two hours of sleep. It's not a lot but it's enough for now. I'll catch up on some of my sleep tonight. I really just want to stay inside today, but I have to go to the free clinic.

I spend about an hour in the shower sobbing. Once out, I throw on a new pair of sweats with a t-shirt, at least they make me look a little bit more normal. I brush my hair to avoid it tangling up, and I don't even bother with make-up. I just want to go there and get home as fast as possible, it doesn't matter how I look.

I have to be sure that I'm not pregnant and have no STD's. If I go anywhere else there's a chance that someone could recognize me, this is the best option. I enter and am told that I have to wait a while. I'm fine with that, as long as I'm home before Keith. The worst part about waiting is having to sit on the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

There are other people with me in the waiting room. Occasionally one or two of them look over at me. I hate their stares, even if they aren't really looking at me it feels like they are. I wonder if any of them know what happened to me.

'That's ridiculous,' a voice in my head tells me. That may be but I can't help but feel that they know. After about an hour I get called to see the doctor.

I tell the doctor that I just want some blood tests for STD's and pregnancy. She just nods her head, I'm sure she knows that I was raped, but she doesn't say anything. I figure that she probably see's this every day. After they take my blood I give them my cell phone number so I can get the results. They say that it should be a day or two before I get the results; I thank them and then leave.

I feel hungry and exhausted on the way home. I pick up something to eat. It's just some fast food, not that good, but I need something to eat. I also stop off at the liquor store; I really need something to drink tonight. I buy a few bottles of wine, nothing too strong.

I get home and lock the door tight. I still have a few hours before Keith gets back, so I open one of the bottles. The wine tastes great going down. One glass should do the trick. I feel a little better and some of the pain is going away. I think I need another glass, just to be on the safe side.

That does the trick, after about half a bottle, I don't feel as bad or depressed anymore. I just feel like all of my troubles are melting away. I hide the rest of the bottles, just to be on the safe side. I finally feel like I can sleep without seeing his face.

I wake up with a headache, but at least I was able to sleep. I look at the clock; Keith should be home by now.

"You're awake," Keith says. I just nod, this headache is killing me.

"I made you some soup," he says. He's so thoughtful; he doesn't deserve someone like me.

"Thanks," I say getting out of bed. I hug him then walk into the kitchen to eat my soup.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I'm feeling…better, I have a bit of a headache" I say. It's not a lie I do feel a little better. I still feel dead inside, but it doesn't hurt as much.

"That's good, do you want some crackers?" he asks.

"No thanks, how'd Carla react when you told her about the postponement?" I ask.

"Fine, she cancelled a lot of the stuff and she wants to talk to you"

"I'll talk to her tomorrow," I say. That's going to be fun; I can barely handle talking to Keith. If Carla thinks something's wrong she won't let it go, I'm going to have to be a great actress tomorrow.

"You look better," Keith says looking at me. I look at him then look away. I don't know why I feel embarrassed with him looking at me but I just do.

"I feel better," I say staring intently at my soup.

"Is there anything you need?" he asks. I shake my head no, he really has done enough. I don't deserve any of the things he's done for me.

"I think the bug's out of my system," I say taking the last spoonful of my soup. My body is happy for actual food. My headache is starting to weaken, it still hurts but now it's manageable.

"That's good," he says touching my arm lovingly. I tense up immediately, I want to pull away but I can't. He'd get suspicious and I don't trust myself not to tell him everything. If I did that then our relationship would be over. He does notice that I'm a little tense.

"Are you alright?" he asks caressing my hand.

"Fine," I say quickly trying not to throw up. I start shaking a little bit. I hope he doesn't notice.

"Well I'm going to go clean-up," he says finally letting go of my hand. Relief goes through my entire body; I just can't stand the thought of anyone touching me.

"I'm just going to watch some TV," I say getting up and turning something on. I really don't care what I turn on. It doesn't matter I just need something to distract me from my life. After about ten minutes Keith joins me. He tries to put his arm around me but I move away.

I can see the hurt in Keith's eyes but I just can't deal with it. But it does look suspicious if I don't let him get close. I move back towards him and into his arms.

"Are you alright? You're shaking," Keith says. I feel tears coming on but I hold them back. Now is not the time or place for that.

"I'm fine, I just have chills," I say. He reluctantly believes me. We spend the next couple hours watching TV not really saying anything. Then we head off to bed. After about ten minutes Keith is asleep. I sneak out of the room and back onto the couch. I'm going to need as much sleep as I can get.

'I have no idea how I'm going to survive being at the hospital tomorrow,' I think before I fall into, what is sure to be, a nightmare filled sleep.

**Please Review**


	3. My Hospital Day

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I'm back. Life got hectic and yada yada yada. I hope to have continuous updates from now on. I really wanted to have this chapter up months ago but writers block struck and then life struck which forced this to be months late.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 3: My Hospital Day

Elliot was looking in the mirror applying make-up to try and hide how rundown she looked. The night was spent trying to get sleep and worrying about work. She had just given up, it was still a good hour before she had to start getting ready for work but she could not sleep and had to do something to try and take her mind off what happened.

For the first time since the rape had happened Elliot took a good hard look at her body. She had a couple of bruises on her torso, and heavy bruising on the lower half of her body.

'At least he didn't do anything to my face' Elliot thought. She was happy yet sad about that. It meant that it would be easier to hide what had happened. It also meant that she hadn't really fought as hard as she could have. Other than a small bump on her head, her face will looked fairly flawless.

'Come on Elliot, this is no time to feel sorry for yourself' she thought. If she started crying then she would have to redo her make-up and she didn't feel like doing that. She had trouble just looking at herself in the mirror.

'Just remember what mom said, when you go out put on your happy face and no one will think anything is wrong with you' she thought hearing her mother's voice. She tried her best to smile, it looked a little forced. It was still better than nothing.

"I might as well get some breakfast," she said to herself. She wasn't really that hungry, she just needed food to keep from passing out.

'I can't let my patients down just because I'm having a little problem' she thought as she poured a bowl of cereal. Keith wasn't up yet but she planned on leaving before he got up. After she finished the cereal she wrote Keith a quick note saying she went in early. She didn't want him to worry about her, she wasn't worth it.

The drive to work was agonizing she wasn't sure how she'd face everyone in the hospital. Before she even knew it she was there.

'Alright putting on happy face' Elliot told herself as she walked out of her car and into the hospital.

"Hello Blonde Doctor" The Janitor said happily, not really doing any work, when he saw Elliot enter the lobby.

"Hi" Elliot said meekly, trying to smile while quickly walking past him not noticing the hurt look on his face.

The Janitor frowned normally Blonde Doctor would talk to him for a little bit or at least greet him with enthusiasm. He quickly shrugged off assuming that she was having a bad day. He couldn't dwell on it not when Scooter was still around to bother.

'So far, so good' Elliot thought to herself as she walked toward the nurses' station. She had gotten few good mornings and hellos on her way there. But she knew that her real test was coming up when she would have to face Carla, Turk, JD, and Dr. Cox. Her heart started pounding wildly.

"Hello Carla" Elliot squeaked, barely able to meet Carla's gaze.

"Elliot, why'd you change your mind on the date of the wedding?" Carla asked not wanting to mess around.

"I just decided that it was moving too fast, I wanted to give us some breathing room," Elliot said trying to smile so Carla would believe her and think that everything was fine.

"Are you sure, Dr. Cox didn't get to you yesterday, did he?" Carla asked looking madder by the second.

"It had nothing to do with Dr. Cox; I just needed some more time. I have to get to work," Elliot said grabbing a chart and walking away quickly trying not to break down.

Carla watched Elliot walk away a little concerned about her. She had a feeling that something was up but just wasn't sure what it was. 'I'm defiantly talking to Cox later' she thought as she got back to her work.

Elliot walked directly to a closet and started crying, she knew that there were patients to treat and care for but she just needed to get this out of her system. After about six minutes of crying she was able to settle down and stop crying. She quickly reapplied some make-up.

'I just need to avoid everyone for today hopefully it'll get better soon, hopefully' Elliot thought as she trudged along to see her patients. Elliot was able to avoid most of her friends during the morning, only making conversation with Carla when it was necessary. But soon enough it was lunch time and there was no way she was going to be able to avoid people without raising suspicions.

Elliot walked to the cafeteria and got her food not even caring what she picked out, she wasn't sure he stomach would be able to handle the food anyway. She made her way over to the table where Turk, JD, and Carla were sitting.

"It'd be impossible to get an Ostrich in here," Elliot heard JD say as she sat down at the table. Part of her wanted to ask but at this point she knew it was pointless, it was just one of JD's fantasies and it was better not to ask sometimes.

"Hello," Elliot said as she began to pick at her food. For about a minute nothing was said. The tension was so thick it would have taken a chainsaw to cut it.

"Why'd you change the wedding date?" J.D. asked a small glint of hope in his eyes although no one really noticed that.

"I just thought we were moving too fast," Elliot said as convincingly as she could. Turk and J.D. just nodded, J.D. looking a little less hopeful. Carla looked very skeptical.

"You two go off and do some work, Elliot and I need to talk about girl stuff," Carla said.

"Fine, World's Most Giant Doctor?" J.D. asked, "You know it," Turk said and they ran off to the hospital entrance.

"You're mom called, she wants to talk to you," Carla said.

"How'd she sound when you told her?" Elliot asked, knowing that her mom would just want to yell at her or something like that.

"She wasn't happy, but I was able to calm her down a little," Carla said glossing over the truth just a little bit. In reality she had been yelled at by Elliot's mother but Elliot didn't need to know that, yet.

"Okay," Elliot said not wanting to deal with it but knowing that she'd have to get it out of the way soon. 'As long as I don't lose it over the phone, I'll be fine' she thought.

"Is everything okay with you and Keith?" Carla asked.

"Yeah, why?" Elliot asked trying to stay calm putting a smile on her face.

"I'm just surprised by the moving of the date, I just want to know if everything's okay with my friend," Carla said sincerely looking Elliot straight in the eye.

"Everything is fine with us, we love each other, we just need to slow down a little bit," Elliot said wanting to believe it. 'As long as Keith doesn't find out he'll still love me, he's really the best I can do, who would want me after this,' she thought.

"Okay, do you have any idea for a new date? I mean I was able to cancel everything I just need to know so we can start making new plans," Carla said taking out the wedding notebook.

"I'm not sure yet, I'll talk to Keith tonight and I'll let you know in a day or two," Elliot said inwardly sighing. She really didn't want to talk to Keith about this. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide from the world for a long while.

"Well I've got to go, I'll talk to you later," Elliot said walking off. She had barely eaten any of her food, something that Carla missed.

'Something isn't right there,' Carla thought. Yes Elliot could be crazy sometimes but this was odd even for her. She racked her brain trying to figure out what could be wrong. After about five minutes she had come up with nothing and had to get back to work. 'I'll need to really talk to her later' she thought.

When she got back to the nurses' station she saw Dr. Cox standing there. 'This is my chance' she thought as she walked up to him.

"What did you say to Elliot yesterday?" Carla asked, almost yelling at him.

"Save it Carla, Godzilla already yelled at me about talking to Barbie," Dr. Cox said very annoyed.

"I'm not letting you off that easy Perry," Carla said glaring at him.

"Fine, I simply told Barbie a few opinions about her and Ken. I may have said she was just marrying him because he wanted to get married," Dr. Cox said preparing for the thunder. Carla gave him a quick punch.

"Why'd you do that? You know how anxious and crazy Elliot can get," Carla said, furious at him for messing with Elliot.

"I'll apologize to Barbie today, I didn't mean anything. I was just mad at Newbie and needed to take it out on someone," Dr. Cox said rubbing his head.

"You better, or else" Carla said, both of them getting back to work.

Elsewhere in the hospital Elliot had just finished going over a patients chart. The patient didn't have anything too exciting just a simple infection. She wrote a prescription for some antibiotics and went to move on to another patient.

"Hello beautiful," A voice said behind Elliot. She panicked for a moment but quickly remembered that she was somewhere safe and turned around to see Keith.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Elliot asked, smiling and trying to concentrate on something else.

"I'm doing well, you've been a hard woman to find today," Keith said wrapping his arms around her lovingly. Elliot wanted to wiggle out of it but tried her hardest to accept it without raising suspicion.

"I've just been really busy today," Elliot murmured getting out of the hug. Her skin was still crawling and her hands were shaking a little. This went unnoticed by Keith.

"I missed you this morning," Keith said.

"Yeah, I just had to check on a patient," Elliot said looking down at her feet. She didn't feel like she deserved to see the love in Keith's eyes for her.

"You feeling any better?" Keith asked. Something about Elliot seemed off to him, he wasn't quite sure what it was. But then again, it was Elliot.

"I'm a little better, anyway I've got to get back to work," Elliot said looking up at him and walking away quickly. Keith just shook his head and sighed. He knew something was up with her. He just wasn't sure what.

'I'll just have to wait and see,' He thought as he got back to work.

Meanwhile Elliot was in a closet trying to keep herself from breaking down. She really felt like she didn't deserve Keith's love or anyone else's love.

'It's all my fault, I deserve what I got, I should have just locked the door,' she thought as the tears continued to come. Suddenly her phone rang. She tried to pull herself together so she could sound semi-normal.

"Hello," she said, failing at sounding normal.

"Is this Elliot Reid?" A woman on the other end asked.

"Yes it is, who is this?" Elliot asked curiously.

"This is Nancy Ford, I have you test results from yesterday," the voice said, with a hint of tiredness. Elliot took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth. She started shaking a little bit and an awful feeling was brewing in the pit of her stomach.

"Go on" she squeaked out, not sure if she really wanted to know the results.

"All tests came out negative, although I would recommend taking another pregnancy test in a few weeks, to be on the safe side. You'll also have to be tested again for HIV in about six months, but right now everything looks good," Nancy said.

"Thank you," Elliot said closing her phone, the feeling in her stomach lessening somewhat.

'Okay, could have been worse. I'll have to check out some stuff again, but still' she thought, feeling a little bit better. She checked her watch. "Frick, I need to get back to work" she said hurrying out of the closet.

The rest of the day went as well as it could have. None of Elliot's patients died and for the most part people left her alone, other than one or two people asking about the wedding.

'I'll have to thank Carla for that' Elliot thought as she started to leave Sacred Heart.

"Hold on there one minute, Barbie," Dr. Cox said just as she was about to walk out the door.

'Frick, why now?' Elliot thought, she just wanted to go home and have some wine to end the night. This was the last thing she needed.

"What?!" Elliot snapped turning around, throwing Dr. Cox off a little. He was about to say something clever, but remembered that Carla wanted him to be nice.

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for yesterday. I just got a little mad and took it out on you," Dr. Cox said looking over Elliot. She really didn't look good to him. Too tired, but then again the hospital will do that to you.

"Dr. Cox, delaying the wedding had nothing to do with you…," Elliot started.

"Really, so it's just a coincidence that you delayed your wedding the same day I talk to you? Dr. Cox asked not believing her one bit.

"Dr. Cox trust me, it has nothing to do with you. Now I have to leave, good night," Elliot said walking out of the hospital.

'Well I did it I apologized, hopefully that'll make Carla happy,' Dr. Cox thought walking away. He went to finish up his work before heading home.

'Hopefully that'll get him off my back,' Elliot thought as she drove home. Keith wouldn't be home for about an hour and she really wanted to get a few drinks in her before he got home. Walking inside she remembered to lock the door tight, grabbed her hidden bottle and poured herself a very full glass of wine. She also grabbed a piece of bread, just so she would get something to eat. Her stomach was begging for food.

Just as she was about to take her first sip, her phone rang. She sighed when she checked the Caller I.D., she didn't want to do this right now but there really wasn't a good time.

"Hi mom…" Elliot said, dread rising within her.


End file.
